“Captain Phillips review” Somebody has got to keep Tom Hanks off boats!

Captain Phillips reviewBut now let’s see in Splash, Tom Hanks fell off a boat and would have drowned if not for the timely intervention of a Mermaid. In Castaway, the plane he was traveling on nosedived into the sea, causing him to be stranded for four years on a deserted isle with no one to talk to but volleyball. In Joe Vs, the Volcano, the entire island on which he was standing sunk beneath the ocean waves leaving him adrift on a raft in the middle of the Pacific. His shrimping boat in Forrest Gump somehow miraculously managed to stay afloat, but every other seagoing vessel within a mile of it got destroyed in a hurricane.

However, really, about the only ship Tom Hanks ever stepped foot on that didn’t have a disaster befall it was The Love Boat, and I am not sure that’s much of a victory. Let’s face it’s the man is a maritime menace, a bigger water hazard than a dozen Sharknados combined.

And now we have Captain Phillips starring Hanks in the titular role as the pilot of a cargo ship bound for Kenya.

But given his history, who thought this was a good idea? Oh well, I am sure it will be okay this time. After all, what’s left that could possibly go wrong? Oh wait pirates. That makes sense.

Notably, after all they are about the only naval nightmare Tom Hanks has not encountered yet, so it makes sense that they would have to show up eventually.

While, still with Hanks recently being named by a (entirely unscientific) Readers Digest poll as the most trusted man in America, certainly he can handle the likes of Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom. What’s that you say, it is not those kinds of pirates?

It is particular attention that the Captain Phillips is actually based on a real life incident involving modern day pirates, the type who prowl the seas armed with machine guns and hand grenades, not only causing companies over $15 billion dollars in losses each year, but also occasionally murdering the crews they hold hostage. Somebody has got to keep Tom Hanks off of boats! [ aleteia.org ]

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